Blogging For Blondes

Definition: Online Social Networking is about making and keeping friends for both business and pleasure via the Internet, rather than having them come into your home and polishing off the last of your favourite malt whisky.

TECHY BLONDES ARE COOL

I really must apologise - I have been breaking one of the cardinal rules of blogging.  The truth is my sweets, that I do chatter on a bit, but blogging should be a succinct art, not a monologue.  I love the discipline of Twitter but rather like spell-checks, once released from it’s constraints, it does not necessarilly improve one’s overall performance in a particular area, whether it be spelling, or being succinct.

Unlike when writing an article for a magasine, where several ideas may be discussed around a theme, blogs are better suited to only one or two ideas, expressed in as few words as possible, and with links embedded in the text so the reader can access the resources and more information for themselves, if they so choose.  

For me, the difference between writing an article and writing a blog, is as great as the difference between giving a speech at the Women’s Institute, and sharing some good tips with one’s friends whilst waiting for your nails to dry at the salon.

GEEK CHIC

The truth is, not everyone is a `visual’ person, and I am not talking about those gentlemen who insist on wearing socks with their sandals.  We all have ways of taking in information and some of you darlings out there may well be `auditory’, and prefer to listen to instructions rather than look at a map. 

If you want to create your own audio podcasts you will not only need to choose suitable recording equipment (I shall be talking to my favourite podcasters in later issues who can share their wisdom on the geekery involved) but on an emotional level, it is vital to bond with the appropriate software. 

I am currently in the early stages of a relationship with GarageBand on my gorgeous IMac, but am going to be getting some tips from the lovely Jason Jarrett on how to get to know it better.  Meanwhile, I have made the acquaintance of a retired lady called Moira who walks with a stick in one hand and a recording device in the other.  Moira is working on a audio art project and has fallen instantly in love with Cubase.

“I knew it was for me straight away” she told me last night over a glass of port.  “The layout, the feel of it - it is wonderful when you connect with a piece of software that way”.  Yes, Moira, I agree.  Apparently there are many hip hop dudes who have had the same experience with Cubase.

But why would anyone want to make audio podcasts in the first place?  That is a fair question, but since I have talked FAR too much already I shall leave that for now and see what others have to say on the matter……

`LET’S BITCH’ – BLOGGING IS FUN
Photo credit: @scottthephoto (he’s a genius!)

I am discovering that using audio on a blog or website can be quite fun, and I would love you all to share your clever thoughts on the different and exciting ways it can be used.   

My favourite so far, is a recording of someone over the phone while they are making a cup of tea which is then presented as a podcast on the About Us page of their website.  (Thanks Andy!)

PLEASE POST YOUR COMMENTS BELOW……

Definition: Online Social Networking is about making and keeping friends for both business and pleasure via the Internet, rather than having them come into your home and polishing off the last of your favourite malt whisky.

TECHY BLONDES ARE COOL

I was terrified. I admit it. The thought of being trapped, lost and abandoned in a giant Sainsbury’s carpark with endless arrows directing me to more endless arrows, makes me shudder at the memory. But it taught me a very important lesson - your one time enemies, can all of a sudden, become your most dear friends.

The relationship I am referring to began, my darlings, as one imbued with hatred, as only those of us who despise faceless technological creations can really understand. Yes, my relationship with my satellite navigation device did not begin well. That irritating voice, telling me to go down one blind alley after another, shouting at me to do u-turns in narrow lanes and sending me to places I didn’t want to go, had me apoplectic with rage, and the fact that for the first few weeks I could only program it to take me ‘home’ when I was ALREADY home made me truly miserable.

But then - SALVATION!

Totally lost in the giant supermarket carpark and desperate to attend a very important social engagement, my Sat Nav piped up with precise instructions on how to escape that ghastly place. Don’t ask me how, but by doing as I was told I was shown the way to freedom, and a newfound trust was born. When the following day a local techno-phobe claimed that ‘they didn’t like going on the internet because of protecting their ‘privacy’, I found myself screaming “how private is a machine knowing how to get you out of a Sainsbury’s car park for God’s Sakes? Who cares about ‘Big Brother’ if it rescues you from needing to call the emergency services in order to get your shopping home!”

Needless to say, that particular person is not talking to me anymore. But you get my point, my dears? Security on the internet and satellite navigation systems can be threatening to some, but if used wisely, they can be a way of bonding us together, creating communities and getting us home safely.

GEEK CHIC

Twitter buddy Dennis Howlett has some interesting things to say about the perceived security threats posed by the use of Twitter, which may allay some fears from those of you who are paranoid about such things (but happy enough for your Sat Nav to know EXACTLY where you are at all times, oh yes!).

After chatting recently with marketing and advertising entrepreneur Nick Broom about the value of Twitter, he investigated it for himself and came up with some good ideas of why such a seemingly useless online past time could in fact provide a useful communication tool that leaves email sobbing in the corner with no friends (except fairweather spam). Nick is intrigued by the medium and would, I am sure, welcome comments on his blog from those of you who already use Twitter for more than just sharing a moan about computer crashes or other geek issues.

`LET’S BITCH’ – BLOGGING IS FUN
Photo credit: @scottthephoto (he’s a genius!)

Now let’s help out those nervous souls who fear leaving comments on blogs in case they make a fool of themselves. Darlings - what can be MORE foolish than getting completely lost in a Sainsbury’s car park? Be fearless, and if you really cannot think of anything interesting to say, just do what I do…. post a link to someone else’s blog that IS interesting!

PLEASE POST YOUR COMMENTS BELOW……

Definition: Online Social Networking is about making and keeping friends for both business and pleasure via the Internet, rather than having them come into your home and polishing off the last of your favourite malt whisky.

TECHY BLONDES ARE COOL

Mindless Jabber of Twitter

My Facebook friend E.D.Trimm (don’t be fooled by the formality of her initials - she is a LADY) has bravely ventured into the manic playground that is Twitter. It has not been easy my dears to PERSUADE her. Her initial impressions were, I quote:

“Suzy, I still don’t get Twitter. There seems to be no “twitter” in and of itself, only links to professional blogging sites, vid sites etc. Now, I’ve never felt the need to parade myself before the world with inane chatter and certainly not on camera. So what precisely am I missing here??? Obviously this “social networking” thing is “THE” thing, but outside of the corporate world, which I detest beyond comment, where’s the advantage?… I mean one guy was going on about what was he going to do for the 10 hours between the twitter conference and his plane departure. and I’m like who the heck cares??”

And of course, I agree completely, and so do most people using Twitter! My theory, darlings, is that the virtual world of Twitterville brings us more in contact with our own real lives. In this big cold world, my sweets, we all need a place we can bitch, complain, talk to ourselves, dream, make resolutions, proclamations, and to generally … SHARE.

Beware, it can only take a few days to become hooked…

Joining a new community may at first appear daunting, but what is incredible about Twitter is how quickly a group of diverse professionals, geeks, marketeers and some normal people, become a community just by listening in on each others thoughts. If you are not already a Twitter addict, go on, try it. Just say “Yes!”

I was advised by my social networking optimisation guru (affectionaly known to me as Number One Geek) to ‘follow’ all the friends of anyone interesting I came across (he mean’t himself, of course) and because they are inherently rather polite, you will soon find yourself being ‘followed’ by a host of complete strangers. But not only will you NOT need to call the police or adopt a secret identity to escape them - (should you have a bout of paranoia, just click a button and they’re GONE!) - you will soon know more about what goes through their minds on a daily basis than their nearest and dearest. If you find other people interesting, then you will just adore Twitter.

As for E.D., I am waiting to discover what she thinks of it all now. I just checked her ‘Tweets”, and there is barely an hour that goes by without her sending out a message. Whatever she may claim, I fear that she has gone past the point of no return, and may soon be at that sad stage we all reach, when we send out messages at times when everyone is asleep. And we don’t care anymore. Hmmm, yep, must stop doing that.

GEEK CHIC

Dummies guides?

Another lady who has initials just to keep us guessing about her first names is BL Ochman, who writes a very interesting blog and has helpfully created a guide to using Twitter effectively so you don’t end up annoying everyone and having no followers (it is quite hard to get to that stage - people are incredibly tolerant). Check out her kick-ass guide to Twitter.

Newbies may also like to read a simple and very helpful guide to getting started (which I discovered via a Tweet from Jeremiah Owyang, who should be on everyone’s follow list). Any other advice and links from readers will be gratefully received in the comments box below.

Profiles

Thank you to Andy White for providing some kind of answer to what an online profile should focus upon in the comments on my last posting.

“An online presence created with one or more of the following motives: a) as part of a strategy of increasing web presence (marketing motive), b) social acceptance and experimentation, c) pure fun!
- hmmmm, a bit nerdish, this definition - but then I’m an Internet Marketing geek! Actually b and c could be the same.”

Andy, as a dictionary you are about as concise as I am. Stick to being an ace podcast creator. But you are right of course - ‘b & c’ are most definitely the same, and what any online profile should be about. I would add only one extra thing. A photograph so skilfully taken by a genius photographer, that most people would not recognise you if they met you for real on a Monday morning. Alternatively, you can spend months creating a Second Life avatar to represent you, or even have a picture of your favourite animal. Trust me, many do.

`LET’S BITCH’ – BLOGGING IS FUN
Photo credit: @scottthephoto (he’s a genius!)

Did you know that you can create blogs for when you are dead? Isn’t that great!

Curtesy of Jeremiah Owyang’s weekly digest I discovered that there is a place to leave a blog for your friends and relatives after you have passed on into the blogosphere. So my question is, after taking a look at Blogging When Your Dead, what thoughts does it inspire?

MY first thoughts were how jolly useful it would be for mourners to be able to leave comments. “We miss you Harvey. If ONLY you hadn’t tried to recharge your mobile, whilst Twittering in the shower…”

PLEASE POST YOUR COMMENTS BELOW……

What comments do you want others to make about you? What will be your last Tweet?

Definition: Online Social Networking is about making and keeping friends for both business and pleasure via the Internet, rather than having them come into your home and polishing off the last of your favourite malt whisky.

TECHY BLONDES ARE COOL

Overwhelm

Darlings, it was just TOO much. Enthralled and excited by my first venture into online social networking, I started to discover a wealth of information and fun in the form of other people’s blogs, and began to gather them up like manna from Heaven, stacking them up in my Bookmarks and Favourites, requesting email notifications by the dozen - until turning on my computer became the equivalent of opening my front door on a winter’s morning, to be greeted by a wall of impenetrable ice. I was snowed in.

Rescue

Desperate for help, I tried to call out to the Universe for guidance, but the email inbox counter kept rolling ever higher and opening my Bookmarks was like throwing a ball of string out of the Empire State Building. I pulled myself up from my ersatz tiger skin rug, wiped the tears from my eyes, and determined that you don’t use a teaspoon to dig your way out of a snow drift. It was time to call in a Geek.

Getting hold of people

Luckily, Geeks are not like plumbers. You can find them in an emergency and luckily I had my phone enabled for Twitter. The solution to my drowning in other people’s blogs? A wonderful invention, called an RSS Reader. My lovelies you will just ADORE these wonderful new toys. They are like a filing cabinet with big drawers to put in your blogs, news feeds, and anything else that possesses an RSS feed (you remember those squashed oranges I mentioned last time?). And since Geeks can often leave you smiling politely and wondering if they have answered your question or, inadvertently told you how to make a hydrogen bomb, I suggest darlings that when it comes to finding out the nitty gritty you watch a video called RSS in plain English and all will become clear. Halleluyah! A JCB has dug through the snowdrift and I can see daylight again!

GEEK CHIC

People will think I am dumb

This is the feeble excuse that some of you make when I ask - “Why don’t you join in some conversations online?” Sweeties it really isn’t anything like going to a cocktail party full of Oxford Dons. Just because you don’t always understand everything that everyone is saying (especially the Geeks), you WILL find people talking about wonderful things that they do. Only this morning, I read Tweets from @BlondeByDesign who is putting together care packages for Kandahar (yes, not everyone on the Internet is a Geek) so why not start by finding groups on Facebook who run charitable causes, or get involved with a Social Enterprise site like Network 2012?

Proud to be a social networking ‘blonde’

On behalf of my fellow non-geeks who are venturing into this new world of online discourse, I salute all the clever and helpful angels who have commented on the first Blogging For Blondes and provided so much great advice and help. Some of those helpful people can be found in my blogroll which smart blondes will make good use of. You are part of a community now, and will be astounded by how generous and helpful other people - even really clever ones - can be.

`LET’S BITCH’ – BLOGGING IS FUN

Photo credit: @scottthephoto (he’s a genius!)

Help me out here…

I claimed in my last blog that I would say something about creating an online profile, but this blog is already too long (brevity is something I still struggle with), so why not my GORGEOUS readers share with us all some of your experiences on what an online profile should be?

PLEASE ARGUE WITH ME: POST YOUR COMMENTS BELOW……

An online profile is an outrageous attempt to give yourself some credibility amongst a group of unsuspecting strangers. Discuss.

I’m waiting……

Definition: Online Social Networking is about making and keeping friends for both business and pleasure via the Internet, rather than having them come into your home and polishing off the last of your favourite malt whisky.

TECHY BLONDES ARE COOL

You will not turn into a Geek

The first thing I MUST assure you of, my darlings, is that becoming an online social networker will NOT transform you overnight into a GEEK. There may however be some occasions when, having been `online’ deep into the night talking to `virtual friends’ (by that I don’t mean the cocktail brigade, merely people you have not yet met in person) you MAY find that some of your `real life’ friends fall by the wayside. This is because you will be FAR too tired to take lunch with them the following day.

But it will be worth it….

In 2006, not only was beer beaten by the Ipod as the most `in thing’ among college students, it shared second place with Facebook, one of the premier social networking sites that are changing the way many people, not just college students, interact. But trust me darling, you don’t have to be a beer swilling student to use Facebook – us non-techy blondes can make a splash there too if we can only just try to work out what it’s all about. That is my avowed mission, and I would like all of you beautiful people who think that HTML stands for “Hurry To Make Lunch” to join me on this quest.
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